September 2, 2018
Here’s a fun Dutch-based instagram account for you: the Mistress of mattresses: French woman Nastassja Guay Bonnabel draws naked women and men, both alone or together in all kinds of different configurations and poses on discarded mattresses in Amsterdam and clearly also abroad.
For over a year now, she’s been roaming the streets of the Dutch capital, looking for all kinds of mattresses to doodle on. Your old mattress could be next.
(Link: vice.com, Photo Mistress of mattresses)
August 31, 2018
Harald Merckelbach and Vincent van de Ven of Maastricht University published a study back in 2001 entitled ‘Another White Christmas: fantasy proneness and reports of ‘hallucinatory experiences’ in undergraduate students’ in the Journal of Behavior Therapy and Experimental Psychiatry, which, for whatever reason, has been brought to Improbable Research’s attention this week.
Forty-four undergraduate students were asked to listen to white noise and instructed to press a button when they believed hearing a recording of Bing Crosby’s White Christmas without this record actually being presented. Fourteen participants (32%) pressed the button at least once…. hallucinatory reports obtained during the White Christmas test [might] reflect a non-specific preference for odd items rather than schizophrenia-like, internal experiences.
In my neck of the woods, we used to sing “I’m dreaming of a white Christmas, and all the cars stuck in the snow.” And in case you’ve never heard this great Christmas classic, here it is.
(Link: improbable.com)
Tags: Christmas, Maastricht University, study, white noise
August 30, 2018
A supermarket in Tilburg, Noord-Brabant has ended up with fake 2 euro coins, according to the police. They are easy enough to spot: there’s no inscriptions or marks on the side of the coin when there should be, something most people don’t bother checking, but now you know.
Back in 2012 we told you about passing off Thai coins [baht] as euro coins, and when I clean out my junk drawer, I’m reminded of a few other odd coins from either Africa or South America I ended up with after a long night down the pub.
(Link: omroepbrabant.nl)
Tags: coins, fraud, money, Noord-Brabant, Tilburg
August 28, 2018
Never mind kruidnoten already being stocked in a Dutch shop this summer, today the court in Limburg ruled that a policeman has been found guilty of neglect of duty by way of tasteless Sinterklaas poetry.
Usually for Sinterklaas when people give gifts to each other, they also write funny poems about its recipient. However, one man thought it would be laugh to write a hurtful poem about a female colleague, making fun of her failed relationship [they were going to marry, but that didn’t go through] with another colleague.
And it gets worse: he decided to read the poem out loud in front of 140 colleagues dressed as Sinterklaas. The end of the poem basically says ‘now you’re stuck celebrating Christmas on your own’, and then he sang a song about being lonely at Christmas.
The court said this showed zero respect for the female colleague, and has now had 16 hours of ‘furlough’ revoked, which by the way is from the Dutch ‘verlof’, basically meaning time off.
Even if the man disliked the woman and/or the other colleague involved – we don’t know – I don’t understand why he thought this form of humiliation was in any way funny or appropriate.
(Link: nu.nl, Photo by Facemepls, some rights reserved)
Tags: harassment, Limburg, poetry, police, sexism, Sinterklaas
August 26, 2018
Many streets in Dutch cities are often made with paving stones rather than asphalt, and when the stones loosen and become hazardous, people call up the city to tell them about it in order for them to be fixed.
However, on the Nieuwe Kalfjeslaan in both Amsterdam and Amstelveen, the stones are being called ‘mortally dangerous’ particularly at night and calling the city is a dead end, so to speak. The street in question is half in Amsterdam and half in Amstelveen, so regardless of where people call, one city tells them to call the other. In Dutch it’s call ‘being send from the cupboard to the wall’, or in my idiolect, ‘go ask your mom, go ask your dad’, that thing kids do resulting in not getting a straight answer until mommy and daddy get into a fight for not settling the matter.
A spokesperson from the Amsterdam South district, which borders on Amstelveen, insists that the part of the street in question is part of Amstelveen while the other part of the street goes through the Amsterdam forest, which is managed by Amsterdam and that’s when Amstelveen tells folks to call Amsterdam. At some point though Amstelveen admitted the dangerous street part was their responsibility, and in proper Dutch bureaucratic fashion, nobody knows why it is taking so long to get something dangerous properly repaired. And since this nonsense has hit the media, everybody seems more inclined to fix the problem.
Amsterdam and Amstelveen have also had to settle a situation about delivering babies in their hospitals. Amstelveen wanted to make part of their delivery rooms ‘Amsterdam territory’, so that women from Amsterdam who specifically wanted their children to be born in Amsterdam could do so, leading to many comments to the tune of ‘you should be happy your baby is born healthy’.
(Link: at5.nl, Photo of Amstelveen flag by Andreas Trepte, public domain)
Tags: Amstelveen, Amsterdam, street
August 24, 2018
Since popular rap group Broederliefde (in Dutch, ‘brotherly love’) from Rotterdam, with backgrounds from Curaçao, Dominican Republic and Cape Verde, attracted too many people at Gorinchem’s summer festival in 2017, the mayor has now banned the music style this year altogether ‘for security reasons’. The ban is being understood very differently by the Dutch media, accusing the Caucasian mayor of different shades of racism. Sure, safety is important, but this doesn’t seem like the best way to go about it. Why not get smaller, lesser known urban acts instead of punishing an entire segment of the Dutch population?
Not only is the ‘no urban’ thing doing the rounds in the media, it’s even a selling point on the festival’s website: “no urban, but still a party”, with acts that are the polar (ha, pun) opposite of urban, that is, carnivalesque après-ski music from the whitest of Caucasian Dutch men, amusingly enough called De Gebroeders Ko, which means the ‘Ko brothers’ who are also brothers just like Broederliefde.
Last year fights broke out when Broederliefde was performing, and that has made the mayor weary of anything urban, leading to an all out ban in the name of security. Problem is, there’s tons of urban-like music being played at festivals throughout the Netherlands and elsewhere, but the mayor is turning it into a ‘we don’t want black music [who is ‘we’ many people ask] because it attracts a bad element’ without flat out saying something overtly racist.
To drive the point home, one of the people in charge of programming (I bet he’s white) even said ‘we don’t want any acts like Ronnie Flex or Lil Kleine because they attract too many people. It’s scary to know that being popular is a reason to ban an entire genre of music that is mainly represented around the world by non Caucasians.
UPDATE: Hip hop and R&B festival Encore in Amsterdam is letting thefirst 300 visitors from Gorinchem in for free.
(Link: ad.nl, Photo of Microphone by visual dichotomy, some rights reserved)
Tags: discrimination, Gorichem, rap, urban
August 22, 2018
Dutch truck manufacturing company DAF, with headquarters in Eindhoven, is currently searching for the oldest DAF truck in the country that is still on the road.
Celebrating its 90th anniversary this year, the company says it receives photos of proud owners and their trucks all the time, which means finding the oldest one shouldn’t be that difficult. DAF claims that their trucks are known for their fuel efficiency, driver comfort, as well as reliability and durability.
Irishman John Tarrent pictured above shared a photo of his classic DAF 2100 from 1984 in use now for 34 years – look how happy he is. People can send in photos or videos on DAF’s Facebook page until the end of November. The general feeling is that a lot of the ‘oldtimers’ (that’s actually what ‘classic vehicles’ are called in Dutch) will be found outside of the Netherlands.
(Link: ed.nl, Photo of Irishman John Tarrent and his DAF by DAF)
August 21, 2018
According to Wikipedia, Rembo & Rembo was an absurdist Dutch TV show for kids written by Theo Wesselo and Maxim Hartman that aired from 1987 to 1995. In casual conversation with Dutch folks, bits of sketches from Rembo & Rembo are often quoted or alluded to. I was lucky enough to attend a Rembo & Rembo themed-party once with one of the two guys, I don’t remember which one, and was probably the only non-Dutch person there. People were dressed up like the characters in their sketches, including about six carpenters, which is why I’d like to share this beloved Rembo & Rembo sketch with you and my English translation below the video.
Recently I had to get a carpenter (‘timmerman’, ‘timmervouw’ if it’s a woman) and this sketch was the first thing that popped into my head. Funny enough, the ‘timmerman’ was called Tim.
Here’s what old school Dutch humour looks and sounds like.
Carpenter: Ting! Ting! Ting! Ting! Ting! Ting! Ting! Ting! Ting! Ting! Ting!
Carpenter: Ting! Ting! Ting! Ting! Ting! Ting! Ting! Ting! Ting!
(Background: Carpenter: Ting! Ting! Ting! Ting!)
Carpenter: Yes, hello!
Man: I’m here for the advert about becoming a carpenter…
Carpenter: No, no, no, I’m not here today, tomorrow I’ll be in. OK? Tomorrow.
Man: Oh… Bye!
Carpenter: Bye!
(sign says ‘Carpenter’)
Carpenter: Ting! Ting! Ting! Ting! Ting! Ting! Ting! Ting! Ting! Ting! Ting!
Carpenter: Yes, hello!
Man: I’m here for the advert about becoming a carpenter…
Carpenter: Sorry, I got it wrong, I’m not here today either. Tomorrow I’ll be here for sure, tomorrow for sure.
Man: Oh…
Carpenter: Bye!
Carpenter: Ting! Ting! Ting! Ting! Ting! Ting! Ting! Ting! Ting! Ting! Ting!
Man: Hello, I was here yesterday already for the advert about becoming a carpenter…
Carpenter: Hey, that’s great, fantastic! Come in! You can start right away!
Carpenter: Come over here and I’ll show you how to hammer. This is a hammer, this is a nail. Head up, point down, a piece of wood: Ting! Ting! Ting! Ting! Ting! It’s in.
Man: Yes.
Carpenter: Yes? One more time: Hammer, nail, head up, point down, a piece of wood: Ting! Ting! Ting! Ting! Ting!Ting! Ting! Ting! Ting! Ting! It’s in. Yes? Do you understand or should I do it again?
Man: If you could show me once more…
Carpenter: OK, what is this?
Man: A nail.
Carpenter: This is a hammer!
Man: Ah yes, the hammer of course.
Carpenter: And what’s this again?
Man: That’s the hammer then.
Carpenter: This is the nail, yes?
Man: Yes.
Carpenter: Head up, point down, a piece of wood: Ting! Ting! Ting! Ting! Ting! It’s in, yes?
Man: Yes.
Carpenter: Try it yourself, OK?
Man: OK.
Carpenter: I’m not going anywhere, I’ll be back.
Man: Head up, nail, point down, hammer, a piece of wood: Ting, ting… Hey! This one has the head facing down!
Carpenter: Hey, hey, hey, hey! What are you doing, man? Why are you throwing out the nail?
Man: It’s no good, the head is facing down and the point is facing up!
Carpenter: You’ll also find these types of nails as well, but you’re not supposed to throw them out!
Man: Oh no?
Carpenter: No! You need to save them for ceilings!
Man: Sorry.
Carpenter: No worries. If you’re here at 7 am tomorrow, you can start right away.
Man: OK. And how much can I earn?
Carpenter: 2,50 [guilders, 1,34 euro] an hour, but it will be more later.
Man: OK, then I’ll come later.
Carpenter: OK.
The funny parts: The ting ting ting is a classic. The carpenter keeps looking left and right when he opens the door possibly because he hires people and underpays them or is just plain dodgy. The nails for ceilings is also a classic.
(Image: wikipedia.org)
Tags: carpenter, carpentry, Rembo & Rembo, sketch comedy, television
August 20, 2018
Back in 2011 we told you about the Sprinter trains, short distance train that stop at ‘every big tree’ as the Dutch say, that didn’t have any toilets, but claimed to have ‘pee bags’ for anybody needing them. Of course, nobody knows anybody who has ever used them.
We also told you we’d update you if that changed, and it finally did.
Two weeks ago – seven years down the tracks – existing Sprinters are finally being fitted with bathrooms. Dutch railways also admits it was stupid not to have toilets on these trains. There will also be a large wheelchair-accessible toilet, a place for two bikes and a slide-out platform at the door.
It’s not over yet though: the first two trains are on the rails now and all 131 trains should be fitted with proper facilities by 2021.
(Link: nos.nl)
Tags: Dutch railways, trains
August 17, 2018
According to RTL Nieuws, dozens of criminals in the Netherlands with an outstanding prison sentence wrongly continue to receive benefits. Although the justice department and police cannot find them, the UWV (Employee Insurance Agency), responsible for handing out benefits, doesn’t seem to have any problem finding baddies at all, much to the irritation of the Dutch government trying to put the kibosh on this absurd practice since 2011.
It can takes month before benefits are stopped owing to bureaucracy, but what really grates is that as many as 13 judges have still ruled in favour of these criminals, citing that ‘not serving one’s sentence is not a good enough reason to stop benefits’. They first need to see if the person is ‘purposely avoiding incarceration’ and then more pressure is put on the police to catch this person.
There’s even a case where a man took off to Australia with permission from the UWV and in doing so avoided his sentence. His sentence was then set at 10 weeks. However, Australia won’t extradite a Dutch person for any sentence of less than six month, so the man can chill down under while receiving money from the Netherlands and not go to prison.
Every time you hear that the Dutch are soft on crime, well, yes they are.
(Link: rtlnieuws.nl, Photo by Ken Mayer, some rights reserved)
