Dear stand-up comedians: Christmas has come early this year.
Like two cars swerving to avoid a duck crossing the road in slow motion, two Belgian Piranha-type tanks rammed each other near Valkenswaard, Limburg on the busy N69 (giggle) motorway, attempting to avoid a tractor. Both tanks are leaking fuel, but fortunately no one was hurt. I’m sure some egos are bruised though, as they should be.
Let me see how many cheap shots I can take before reading other people’s comments:
‘Sergeant! There’s a big green tractor that keeps getting closer! BAM!
‘Whew! It’s a good thing this is just a military exercise’.
‘Crew cruise control on these things really suck.’
After the crash:
‘Right, I’m off for a slash, toodles’.
Tags: army, Belgian, Limburg, Valkenswaard
Former parliamentarian Henk Krol refuses to pay back subsidies that he allegedly used to bankroll his sex shop GayTel.
According to AD, the Ministry of Education is knocking at the door of the foundation Vrienden van de Gay Krant (Friends of de Gay Krant, a gay paper) to get their money back. The foundation has demanded that former chairman Krol pay up. The foundation has accused him of bad management. Krol refused to comment.
AD wrote in April this year that Krol used “the subsidies as his private ATM”. The subsidies were meant to build an online meeting place for teenage gays called 18min.eu. In August 2008 a supplier of IT services for Krol’s companies complained to Krol about unpaid bills, to which Krol responded: “We need new bills that aren’t addressed to Gay Krant, Best Publishing Group or GayTel, but to the foundation.”
AD is unclear about whether the 206,833 euro they mention is the entire subsidy or just the part that was stolen.
Last October Krol quit his seat in the Dutch parliament (50PLUS, party for the elderly) after allegations emerged that he had failed to pay pension premiums for Gay Krant employees.
In 2009 Krol won the State Award for Gay Emancipation for his “fundamental contribution to the acceptance of gays in the Netherlands”.
Tags: dumb criminals, Henk Krol, law and order, subsidies
Although it looks like a beginner’s art installation, someone snapped a picture of a toilet at Dutch supermarket Jumbo that lets people try different kinds of toilet paper. The assumption is that the toilet could be for employees rather than clients, while many people are surprised that there are rolls and have not all been stolen.
(Link and photo: www.neatorama.com)
Tags: supermarket, toilet paper
The Dutch have had their own Kickstarter site for a few months now and I have seen many interesting projects get the funding they probably deserve. However, they are a lot of ‘non-starters’ on the site because anybody can ask for money and hope for the best without being serious. The projects that get my attention usually fall into four categories: the good ones that usually get funded, the ones that don’t get funded or get insufficient funding, the ones nobody gives a toss about but could be serious, and the jokey ones. Let’s have a look at the last two categories, the losers and the jokers:
- ‘I need a computer to review stuff on the Internet and become a YouTuber’.
How about you get a job? It would go faster, too.
- Two guys want to deliver apple pie to their friend for his 17th birthday, but would rather someone else pays for it.
You can’t find 5-10 euro for your best friend? Ouch.
- ‘I make music. To make these tracks, I need money. You want to spend money on music’
It sounds more like you don’t want to spend money on music…
- Someone want to sell ‘trustee rings’ to prove their ‘fidelity’ and got 1 euro so far.
They have GPS and Wi-Fi to track your partner. Stalker alert!
- A statue for Louis van Gaal, but only if the Netherlands wins the World Cup, which it didn’t.
- Frying up extreme eggs.
Ever since a potato salad got funded, Kickstarter is full of food-related projects.
- ‘A story about a boy that lives in a crappy world.’
Buy a diary, write it down and take up drinking like the rest of us.
(Link: www.kickstarter.com/discover/countries/NL, photo of a lightbulb by Emil Kabanov, some rights reserved)
Tags: crowdfunding, fails, Kickstarter
Boing Boing wrote about this remarkable campaign for a charity in Amsterdam:
The Dutch homelessness charity Badt dressed mannequins as homeless people, sawed coin-slots in their foreheads, and seeded them around Amsterdam with signs soliciting donations. It’s a clever campaign, but it says something a little unpleasant, in that we are apparently more willing to give money to a doll with a slot in its forehead than an actual homeless person.
The campaign was created by JWT, the ad agency that is housed in the Hirsch & Cie building on Leidseplein in Amsterdam. According to Reclamewereld it took a week to create this campaign and the costs was less than 100 euro. Both the mannequins and the clothes came from donations.
(Illustration: crop of the video)
Tags: advertising, homelessness
Parents of a nine-year-old boy heard their son use the word ‘homo’, which is a Dutch swear word equivalent to ‘faggot’ in weight and meaning, and made him pay for it. He had to pay 0,10 euro to COC Netherlands, the Dutch LGBT organisation.
The payment had an explanation from the parents: “Sorry for the odd amount, but this is a ‘fine’ for using the word ‘faggot’ as a swear word (9 years old). He understands what he did wrong now.”
A COC employee said that ‘faggot’ is the most popular swear word at Dutch schools. A gay friend of mine who teaches at a secondary school in Amsterdam recently disciplined a boy for calling another boy ‘faggot’ and had to explain why that was wrong. The issue was that the boy didn’t see the connection between an actual homosexual like his teacher and calling someone a ‘faggot’, but I’m sure he gets it now, too.
The swear word ‘homo’ in films by the New Kids (view the trailer at 0:28 and let it roll for 10-15 sec even if you don’t speak Dutch) is used more like ‘pussy’, which doesn’t really offend people somehow because the films’ characters are total white trash douches themselves.
Tags: homophobia, swearing
A Dutch newspaper has seemingly let one of their young male interns equate new mothers with their ‘bangability’ when calling them MILF in an article on the statistics of new mums going back to work after having had their first child. The title of the article is ‘New MILFs are working more’.
Luckily, Dutch women and men alike took this pathetic attempt at journalism in stride, but everyone was surprised to say the least. Many people claimed that not all mothers are MILF, and even if someone thinks they are, that’s some pretty vulgar language for a mediocre free ‘dead tree publication’. This also means that the newspaper thinks it’s OK to refer to mothers as MILF, which is 50 freaking shades of wrong.
It is remotely possible that what many imagine to be an idiot of an intern doesn’t even know what MILF means, which is almost up there with calling American performer Rihanna a n*****bitch, saying it was meant as a compliment. However, there are editors at a newspaper and obviously they think this is fine.
Are men and women as parents equal in the Netherlands? Not by a long shot.
UPDATE: According to real journalists on FB, the newspaper has claimed that “MILF is not a derogatory term”. I’m claiming ‘shitty newspaper’ and ‘shit intern’ are nicknames then.
(Links: m.spitsnieuws.nl, Photo of wilted tulip by Graham Keen, some rights reserved)
Tags: MILF, mothers, women
There is this Facebook poll that proposes a silly dilemma each week for you to choose from. It’s called Dilemma op Dinsdag (Dilemma on Tuesday) and it seems to be a minor hit in that I see their dilemmas shared regularly.
The dilemma shown here: you either must read a Harlequin romance novel each week or change all your user names and e-mail addresses to wienerboy69 for the rest of your life. (The cartoon shows a business card for a government spokesperson called Jasper Jansen).
Some of the dilemmas of past Tuesdays were:
- Nobody ever laughs about your jokes or you have to laugh every time somebody cries.
- You have 100 almost identical keys on your key chain or you always give the third kiss on the mouth when greeting someone.
- You never eat warm meals or everything you read, you read out loud.
- Your clothes disappear once a month or you always have the hiccups when you wake up.
Dilemma op Dinsdag is made, it appears, by “some individuals from Utrecht and Amsterdam”, but the cartoons are drawn by Marloes Toonen.
Tags: dilemmas, Facebook, humour, Marloes Toonen, philosophy
For years local governments have been mistakingly pointing tens of thousands of citizens if not more to an advertising agency called Digi-D in Waalwijk, Noord-Brabant instead of to the Dutch national government’s digital identification system called DigID (no hyphen, and ID in capitals), indispensable for filing taxes and other matters nowadays. In October 2012 10,000 people sent their details to Digi-D. It’s June 2014 and the wesbite the agency set up to tell people about this serious cock-up counted 40,805 mislead people on 6 June.
Digi-D the agency has been around since 2002, while DigID started up in 2005. The government’s game plan has been to strong arm the agency into changing its name, but the agency claims that it would cost them 110,000 euro to change their name, never mind lawyering up for something they didn’t mess up. To make it worse, the agency is being forced to store all this data to prove that it is a nuisance to them, but if ever the data leaked, the government would blame the agency for it!
Tags: automation, DigiD, government, identity theft, privacy, Waalwijk
Last January garbage collectors found 46,000 guilders in old office furniture that most likely came from the offices of Amsterdam’s district Zuid (‘South’).
The money was found by an HVC employee in Hoorn who was busy compressing a container full of wood when money boxes started popping out, revealing the banknotes they had inside. The district told Parool that they never missed the money. The district ordered the money to be returned. The paper doesn’t say what legal grounds they have to do so.
Amsterdam Zuid is home to the richest residents of Amsterdam, so it’s quite ironic that they could lose tens of thousands of guilders without noticing it. Residents of some Amsterdam Zuid neighbourhoods are so wealthy that when they get fined for double parking, they prefer to call their expensive lawyers rather than paying a small fine.
The Netherlands replaced the guilder by the euro as its legal tender in 2002.
(Photo by Sarah Joy, some rights reserved)
Tags: Amsterdam, Amsterdam Zuid, money, parking, wealth