August 31, 2014

Police hands out criminal records at music festival

Filed under: General by Branko Collin @ 1:43 pm

Dutch prosecutors recently acquired the possibility of by-passing courts for minor offences if they can come to an agreement with suspects about a fine.

Placing the public prosecutor on the seat of the judge: what could possibly go wrong?

Two weeks ago at the Lowlands festival, the prosecutor wasn’t too eager to explain to suspects what exactly the consequences of their choices were, Vice reports. The 119 visitors out of 50,000 who had been charged with possession of recreational substances were not always told that agreeing to the so-called ‘strafbeschikking’ (‘declaration of punishment’) would get them a criminal record, nor what the consequences of a criminal record would be.

Vice asked lawyers Juriaan de Vries and Christian Flokstra what festival goers should do if a public prosecutor offers them an agreement. “Always ask for a lawyer!”

And of course that is a problem if your options are to pay a small fine on the spot (now with free criminal record!) or to go to jail for a night while a lawyers are being fetched from their weekend fishing trips and miss out on the festival. It seems the prosecutor knew exactly what they were doing. In the Netherlands a criminal record can prevent you from getting a job, effectively shutting off certain career paths.

The public prosecutor’s office responded (PDF) by saying they didn’t understand what all the hubbub was about—in their view the suspects retained plenty of rights and had even had some of those rights explained to them.

(Photo: DEA)

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August 28, 2014

Two Belgian tanks ram each other on Dutch motorway

Filed under: Weird by Orangemaster @ 4:18 pm

Dear stand-up comedians: Christmas has come early this year.

Like two cars swerving to avoid a duck crossing the road in slow motion, two Belgian Piranha-type tanks rammed each other near Valkenswaard, Limburg on the busy N69 (giggle) motorway, attempting to avoid a tractor. Both tanks are leaking fuel, but fortunately no one was hurt. I’m sure some egos are bruised though, as they should be.

Let me see how many cheap shots I can take before reading other people’s comments:

‘Sergeant! There’s a big green tractor that keeps getting closer! BAM!

‘Whew! It’s a good thing this is just a military exercise’.

‘Crew cruise control on these things really suck.’

After the crash:
‘Right, I’m off for a slash, toodles’.

(Link: www.nu.nl)

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August 27, 2014

Car rental video redefines the art of local advertising

Filed under: Automobiles by Orangemaster @ 1:33 pm

Diks

The Dutch don’t do local TV commercials, as most of them are either made nationally or dubbed from countries like France (you’ll notice everybody is white, shorter and has dark hair). There’s no tacky second-hand car salesman ads, with the exception of a bed and mattress chain that went rogue a few decades back.

Dutch car rental company Diks, a generic surname like Smith in Dutch, has gone rogue too and made their own commercial. It’s a short movie full of corny Dutch puns (great for learning Dutch catch phrases), the Diks family men showing off their resemblance and the ironic use of tits & ass, which works because it’s all in English. Much like swearing in a foreign language, T&A is also more socially acceptable and funnier in English, pointing a finger at pop culture. I praise the makers’ use of ethnic minorities and the disabled in positive roles, giving it a big city feel.

You can get away with T-shirts saying ‘Chicks like Diks’, as it is the name of the company, then there’s ignoring that line drawn in the Anglo-Saxon sand and going with ‘Our chicks clean your Diks’ (a bit Dunglishy, yes), as women on heels (!) wash some cars. I can get past that because it’s click bait, or maybe even chick bait.

Love the superman, the American football team, the normal-looking girls dancing around, and the ending. I foresee a run on those blue T-shirts as well.

(Link: www.froot.nl, Image: screenshot of video)

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August 26, 2014

Dutch DJ duo Soul Cartel remix Yoko Ono

Filed under: Music by Orangemaster @ 11:13 am
Bed-in, Hilton, Amsterdam

The 1980’s song ‘Yes, I’m Your Angel’ by Yoko Ono has been given a dance remix by Dutch DJ duo Soul Cartel (Nicolas Vesters & David van Ansem) and they only had a week to come up with it. They kept the vocals and changed the rest, which Ono’s management liked and put it on the album ‘Angel (The Remixes)’ along with tracks by a bunch of other DJs, all of which is available as of today in iTunes.

You can hear part of the song here, and if you go to iTunes you can hear more.

What strikes me is that if you listen to the original, Yoko’s not so great singing seems quaint, but on a dance track – imagine someone sang on the dance track like that today – it sounds more like keeping Yoko alive on a respirator, musically speaking. The remix is tight, but I think it could have had any number of vocals on it.

By far and wide I prefer Junkie XL’s ‘A Little Less Conversation’ using Elvis’ vocals. Dutch DJ Junkie XL made the news in 2002 as he was according to Wikipedia ”the first artist outside the Presley organization to receive authorization from the Elvis Presley Estate to remix an Elvis Presley song.” I wouldn’t really picture another set of vocals on this song.

(Links: www.nieuws.nl, imaginepeace.com, Photo Parool.nl)

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August 25, 2014

Henk Krol refuses to pay back subsidies

Filed under: Weird by Branko Collin @ 2:46 pm

gaykrant-aliFormer parliamentarian Henk Krol refuses to pay back subsidies that he allegedly used to bankroll his sex shop GayTel.

According to AD, the Ministry of Education is knocking at the door of the foundation Vrienden van de Gay Krant (Friends of de Gay Krant, a gay paper) to get their money back. The foundation has demanded that former chairman Krol pay up. The foundation has accused him of bad management. Krol refused to comment.

AD wrote in April this year that Krol used “the subsidies as his private ATM”. The subsidies were meant to build an online meeting place for teenage gays called 18min.eu. In August 2008 a supplier of IT services for Krol’s companies complained to Krol about unpaid bills, to which Krol responded: “We need new bills that aren’t addressed to Gay Krant, Best Publishing Group or GayTel, but to the foundation.”

AD is unclear about whether the 206,833 euro they mention is the entire subsidy or just the part that was stolen.

Last October Krol quit his seat in the Dutch parliament (50PLUS, party for the elderly) after allegations emerged that he had failed to pay pension premiums for Gay Krant employees.

In 2009 Krol won the State Award for Gay Emancipation for his “fundamental contribution to the acceptance of gays in the Netherlands”.

(Image: Fok.nl)

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August 24, 2014

Extending the self into the corporate cloud

Filed under: Technology by Branko Collin @ 9:19 pm

interferenceI went to Interference last weekend, a hacker convention run by anarchists in a former squat called Binnenpret. Most Dutch people know the part of the complex called OCCII, a music venue on Amstelveenseweg.

The talks were somewhat similar to what I have encountered at other hacker conventions in the past. If there was a difference, it was that in the Q&As audience members were criticizing language that could be used as a weapon, as a means to disempower outgroups.

Also, the hosts did not appear to serve coffee.

Cory Shores had a talk about post-humanism and spoke about the blind man’s cane. This is apparently an issue of some contention in philosophy: is the cane part of the man, of the self? A blind man ‘sees’ with the tip of the cane after all, his hand being no more than a relay.

A similar extension of the self was identified by Paulan Korenhof and Janneke Belt who pointed out technological differences in the way people remember things, such as remembering a shopping list versus writing one down. They did not further explore the issue of the self, but instead looked at where our shopping lists (and therefore maybe parts of ourselves) end up: in the cloud, specifically in the indexes of search engines owned by international companies.

Earlier this week I mocked visitors of the Lowlands festival in a posting who gave away their privacy for RFID trinkets, but perhaps my commentary wasn’t entirely fair. The Lowlands RFID wristbands do have some value to the user as they extend the self, even if the company behind them is solidly grounded in the philosophy of “if we give you something for free, you are in fact the product”.

See also: the Interference reader.

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August 23, 2014

Aniseed cubes dissolve into oblivion

Filed under: Food & Drink by Branko Collin @ 4:19 pm

aniseed-david-monniaux Last year the sole manufacturer of aniseed cubes in the Netherlands, De Ruijter, ceased manufacturing its well-known comfort product.

Aniseed flavoured hot milk is a favourite drink of many Dutch people who have trouble sleeping. Personally I prefer Blooker cacao, so I missed out on the whole aniseed cube scandal, until last night when a Facebook friend mentioned he could not sleep because he had run out of the vaunted cubes.

De Ruijter explains its decision in a FAQ:

We’ve been making aniseed cubes since 1928 using practically the same method all that time. We’ve been able to keep the aniseed cube machine running for a long time, but wear and tear and the lack of replacement parts have made it impossible to extend the life of our machine.

The company has now introduced packets of aniseed powder at more than three times the price. Nobody is happy with this price hike and several people started stockpiling the cubes as soon as they found out. The limited number of likes the activist Facebook page Wij Willen De Ruijter Anijsblokjes Terug has received, only 75 at the time of writing, suggests perhaps a more practical reason why De Ruijter has stopped production.

Another company, M. & P. S., is still producing its own brand of aniseed tablets (“since 1854”, for whatever it’s worth), but apparently they are even more expensive than De Ruijter’s new packets.

So what do you do when you cannot fall asleep?

(Photo of aniseed by David Monniaux, some rights reserved)

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August 22, 2014

Guacamole pulled from shelves for not containing avocados

Filed under: Food & Drink by Orangemaster @ 11:36 am

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I was in Munich earlier this year and went to a tapas bar with a German friend. He ordered some guacamole with nacho chips and then said that he really liked the guacamole he had eaten in the US, but didn’t understand why guacamole in Munich looked like mayonnaise with wasabi through it. I tasted it, and it was bitter: it looked very pale and didn’t taste like avocados at all. Then I told him about the guacamole dip you could buy at the Albert Heijn supermarket here that had almost the same questionable colour and tasted like weird mayonnaise.

It turns out that AH guacamole dip, which the supermarket chain has said should not be compared to real guacamole (so why do they feature a bowl of guacamole as a picture on the product?), has been pulled from their line of TexMex-style products for containing all of 0.7% avocado powder. More than 7,000 people have voted the dip ‘the biggest marketing lie of the year’. The supermarket chain has pulled the product and agreed to find another product to sell to replace it.

(Link: www.deondernemer.nl, Photo of Guacamole by my_amii, some rights reserved)

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August 21, 2014

Man claims his drug lab was for research

Filed under: General by Orangemaster @ 1:34 pm

A 40-year-old man from Knegsel, Noord-Brabant is going to jail for five years for having built an underground drug lab. After spotting a manhole on his property, the police found a fully equipped drug lab with traces of MDMA and speed. Guns were also found on his property, and since the man had a prior conviction for growing weed and possession of weapons, he was given five years.

During the hearing, the man claimed that his drug lab was a ‘bomb shelter’ and a surprise gift for his girlfriend. He also claimed that he had found all the equipment in the woods and brought it home. The drugs found in his lab were from men who told him to hold it or they would kill him. And if you think the man’s lies couldn’t get any more pathetic, he also claimed that the entire operation was to develop a new medicine against Parkinson’s disease.

(Link: www.crimesite.nl, Photo: DEA)

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August 20, 2014

Dutch film so bad Amsterdam won’t show it

Filed under: Film by Orangemaster @ 4:08 pm

Don’t get me wrong, there are some excellent Dutch films out there, some of which even helped me learn the language before I immigrated here many moons ago. However, if Dutch distribution companies and cinemas think a film is so bad they call it ‘a low point in Dutch film history’, then it must be some 50 shades of shitty. Surprise, it’s a total ’50 shades of grey’ rip-off if we believe the media because I already planned to ignore the original for as long as I live.

The film is called ‘De Overgave’ (roughly ‘The Surrender’) and here’s the trailer if you must). Major cinemas in Amsterdam have snubbed it, arthouse cinemas who are known to appreciate an underappreciated film have turned it down and the film’s Amsterdam distribution company only made 5 or 6 copies instead of the planned 50 or 60 because it’s, well, shite.

The directeur Paul Ruven is apparently well known for writing books about how to copy Hollywood film successes. Gosh.

(Link: www.parool.nl, photo of film cans by tallfoot, some rights reserved)

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